24 Most Ridiculously Thought Out Storefront SignsBy William Barnes
Nothing can make a trip better than that inevitable double-take when you catch an absolutely ridiculous business sign lurking about the city. The proper way to handle these occurrences is to take a picture, and show the entire world what you’ve found so we can all laugh with you. One thing’s for sure, these 25 ridiculous and hilariously awkward business signs make normal businesses look so boring, they won’t be enough for you anymore.
Come Buy (NOW!)
One way to avoid being accused of using subliminal messaging, is by just coming out and saying exactly what it is you want to get across to your demographic. This store right here (above) might just be the most pushy of it’s kind this side of Chinatown. But hey, you have to applaud their honesty.
“Step right up and get your Turd Burger – it’s literally a turd, wedged between a hamburger bun.” While this might not be their official slogan, I don’t know a native English speaker that would willingly eat here. An international marvel, nobody could ever figure out what they were aiming for when they came up with this one.
Great idea, this way all the vampires can’t get to the wrecked Volvo’s before you can replace that broken windshield wiper. Is there a limit to zealousness?
Can We Go?
This is what happens when two business partners can’t agree on a name, and so they both try and make their partnership a living hell for each other by having this on their business cards. Either that, or it’s the least cleaverly-named butcher shop of all time.
Sex sells. That’s pretty much known across cultures, across languages- throughout time. The success rate of naming your business ‘ASS’, however, might be better in some locales, than it is in others. That’s some entertainment right there, not so sure how the concert would sound though…
Fuku Sushi (No, FukU Sushi!)
The problem with different languages is that sometimes people’s last names in language A can look/sound very similar to a very offensive phrase, in language B. Perhaps the most offensive. Buried in San Francisco’s Japantown, this little sushi place gives off the vibe that it hates you – but it probably doesn’t.
Wear Rubber Boots…
This is probably the worst name for a plaza in the the history of plazas. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking – that we wouldn’t notice that the sign has the word CUM written across the top in 5 ft tall red lettering?
I’ll Just Have a Water…
This is either somewhere in Greece, or it is a bar owned by some weird guy in Toledo with some gory, organ fetish. Hannibal Lecter would love this joint.
They Do Get Dirty…
Duck Cleaners? Squirrel Cleaners? Hello, Rhino Cleaners? No: Beaver Cleaners. Sometimes you’d think that some people on this list have never watched TV, never been on the Internet, and/or have never heard of slang.
Where men work with their hands, all day long. And, as you could imagine, they spend a long time handling worms. You could insert a ‘Seaman’ joke here…but is it really necessary?
Just Don’t Loiter Too Long
This should conjur up memories of the classic Arrested Development episode, “Notapussy”. Everyone knows that the British call cigarettes, ‘fags’, but we couldn’t avoid it.
For that Home-Cooked Taste
Pretty sure they meant “Grotto” but… Who can tell these days? On a side note: the rust creeping down the wall really accentuates the already unpleasant name.
You Thought Your Place Sucked…
Rent is probably really cheap, and at least they’re honest, right. Just like the first example — my hat goes off to them for the sake of honesty.
Give it a Minute…
Think about it. If you still don’t have a horrified look on your face, watch Schindler’s List. “Yeah, it’s time to change your name to something else, the -ph spelling of your name isn’t quite enough, Mr. Gasser.”
Don’t Ask for the Straight Razor
Ask for the Perez Hilton Cut. It’s their specialty.
No Pomp Allowed
Not sure if this is where Hores keep their belongings while Horing, or if this is where Hores buy their Hore goods.
Take-Out for Cougars
Every town has a Cougar bar. In my town, it’s “The Quiet Woman”. Where I went to college, it was called, “Snooky’s”. Nowadays these establishments are jumping on the ‘honesty-based-marketing’ band wagon, and are naming their bars after what it is they’re looking for. These are sound business principles.
Even They Don’t Like Their Stuff
Lots of English-Chinese translations leave something to be desired. Case in point. You’d think that if the proprieters of this shop were uncertain, they’d just call the place, “Good”.
Don’t Touch ANYTHING!
If you really need to see what kind of used car-parts and old vinyls they have here, wear a bubble-suit. Or rubber gloves. Or just don’t go there, there are other flea markets out there – you don’t have to go to ALL of them.
Probably Best to Stay Outside…
Not even going there. I mean literally, not setting foot in that place.
Chicks Dig Multi-Taskers
I don’t even know what this business is, or how they came up with it or anything else other than this sign exists somewhere. It might even be a joke. But if it’s not, then were they thinking?
Does Your Dell Do This?
Most people would like to keep the dynamic between them and their computers a little more traditional than these guys. And those people can seek technical assistance at Best Buy. These guys have a solid niche.
This place is called Mr. Cock. And apparently a good adjective to sum it up, is “cheeky”. Sounds about right.
This Place Looks Nice
Never judge a book by its cover… Not so sure the proverb counts here.