24 Most Ridiculously Thought Out Storefront Signs
Jul 01, 2009 - By William Barnes
Nothing can make a trip better than that inevitable double-take when you catch an absolutely ridiculous business sign lurking about the city. The proper way to handle these occurrences is to take a picture, and show the entire world what you’ve found so we can all laugh with you. One thing’s for sure, these 25 ridiculous and hilariously awkward business signs make normal businesses look so boring, they won’t be enough for you anymore.
Come Buy (NOW!)
One way to avoid being accused of using subliminal messaging, is by just coming out and saying exactly what it is you want to get across to your demographic. This store right here (above) might just be the most pushy of it’s kind this side of Chinatown. But hey, you have to applaud their honesty.
Turd Baby
“Step right up and get your Turd Burger – it’s literally a turd, wedged between a hamburger bun.” While this might not be their official slogan, I don’t know a native English speaker that would willingly eat here. An international marvel, nobody could ever figure out what they were aiming for when they came up with this one.
Holy Crap!
Great idea, this way all the vampires can’t get to the wrecked Volvo’s before you can replace that broken windshield wiper. Is there a limit to zealousness?
Can We Go?
This is what happens when two business partners can’t agree on a name, and so they both try and make their partnership a living hell for each other by having this on their business cards. Either that, or it’s the least cleaverly-named butcher shop of all time.
A.S.S. Entertainment
Sex sells. That’s pretty much known across cultures, across languages- throughout time. The success rate of naming your business ‘ASS’, however, might be better in some locales, than it is in others. That’s some entertainment right there, not so sure how the concert would sound though…
Fuku Sushi (No, FukU Sushi!)
The problem with different languages is that sometimes people’s last names in language A can look/sound very similar to a very offensive phrase, in language B. Perhaps the most offensive. Buried in San Francisco’s Japantown, this little sushi place gives off the vibe that it hates you – but it probably doesn’t.
Wear Rubber Boots…
This is probably the worst name for a plaza in the the history of plazas. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking – that we wouldn’t notice that the sign has the word CUM written across the top in 5 ft tall red lettering?
I’ll Just Have a Water…
This is either somewhere in Greece, or it is a bar owned by some weird guy in Toledo with some gory, organ fetish. Hannibal Lecter would love this joint.
They Do Get Dirty…
Duck Cleaners? Squirrel Cleaners? Hello, Rhino Cleaners? No: Beaver Cleaners. Sometimes you’d think that some people on this list have never watched TV, never been on the Internet, and/or have never heard of slang.
Manual Labor
Where men work with their hands, all day long. And, as you could imagine, they spend a long time handling worms. You could insert a ‘Seaman’ joke here…but is it really necessary?
Just Don’t Loiter Too Long
This should conjur up memories of the classic Arrested Development episode, “Notapussy”. Everyone knows that the British call cigarettes, ‘fags’, but we couldn’t avoid it.
For that Home-Cooked Taste
Pretty sure they meant “Grotto” but… Who can tell these days? On a side note: the rust creeping down the wall really accentuates the already unpleasant name.
You Thought Your Place Sucked…
Rent is probably really cheap, and at least they’re honest, right. Just like the first example — my hat goes off to them for the sake of honesty.
Give it a Minute…
Think about it. If you still don’t have a horrified look on your face, watch Schindler’s List. “Yeah, it’s time to change your name to something else, the -ph spelling of your name isn’t quite enough, Mr. Gasser.”
Don’t Ask for the Straight Razor
Ask for the Perez Hilton Cut. It’s their specialty.
No Pomp Allowed
Not sure if this is where Hores keep their belongings while Horing, or if this is where Hores buy their Hore goods.
Take-Out for Cougars
Every town has a Cougar bar. In my town, it’s “The Quiet Woman”. Where I went to college, it was called, “Snooky’s”. Nowadays these establishments are jumping on the ‘honesty-based-marketing’ band wagon, and are naming their bars after what it is they’re looking for. These are sound business principles.
Even They Don’t Like Their Stuff
Lots of English-Chinese translations leave something to be desired. Case in point. You’d think that if the proprieters of this shop were uncertain, they’d just call the place, “Good”.
Don’t Touch ANYTHING!
If you really need to see what kind of used car-parts and old vinyls they have here, wear a bubble-suit. Or rubber gloves. Or just don’t go there, there are other flea markets out there – you don’t have to go to ALL of them.
Probably Best to Stay Outside…
Not even going there. I mean literally, not setting foot in that place.
Chicks Dig Multi-Taskers
I don’t even know what this business is, or how they came up with it or anything else other than this sign exists somewhere. It might even be a joke. But if it’s not, then were they thinking?
Does Your Dell Do This?
Most people would like to keep the dynamic between them and their computers a little more traditional than these guys. And those people can seek technical assistance at Best Buy. These guys have a solid niche.
…Seriously?
This place is called Mr. Cock. And apparently a good adjective to sum it up, is “cheeky”. Sounds about right.
This Place Looks Nice
Never judge a book by its cover… Not so sure the proverb counts here.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 5:13AM
I live near Cum Park Plaza. Glad to see its getting the recognition it deserves.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 5:20AM
Pump N Munch is real. It's just a gas station store name.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 5:33AM
By the way, the Young Dong sign. If you read the Korean part it actually says: Young Dong Garden.
What a wonderful place to be!
Thursday, July 2, 2009 5:43AM
You'd think an English translation service would help people out with some of these mess-ups! I'm glad they don't tho – thanks for the laughs!
Thursday, July 2, 2009 7:11AM
There's a Pump And Munch gas station/convenience store in Robbinsdale, MN, at the very least. It's no joke.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 7:16AM
Seriously….
How many of these aren't 'shopped?
Thursday, July 2, 2009 8:03AM
@skeptic
stop going around the net saying everything is photoshopped…
there are real things still existing outside of your computer
Thursday, July 2, 2009 3:04AM
In Omaha there’s ‘Kum n Go’ gas stations. I’m more of a relationship kinda guy tho.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 8:22AM
I've been to the STD flea market! I bought a game of Scategories. It didn't even have AIDS.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 8:31AM
My guess would be none – if you travel arround you'll find lots of bad uses of the english language. Remember that a lot don't have english as their first language and that the signs are composed of a local language name/word and an engrish part.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 8:35AM
I took the Turd Baby photo. It was not a hamburger restaurant, it sold cheap toys in vending machines.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 9:30AM
i think someone needs Photoshop for Dummies… pssh
Thursday, July 2, 2009 9:43AM
I live in Taiwan and I haven't visited this store, but I've heard about it
http://www.therealtaiwan.com/wp-content/uploads/2...
Thursday, July 2, 2009 4:51AM
Cum Park Plaza is in Cummings, NC (Hence the name). Yes its stupid, yes the middle schoolers who had yard sales there giggle, but at least it makes sense
Thursday, July 2, 2009 10:06AM
Did anyone else notice on th "Cum Plaza" sign that there is a smaller sign at the bottom that said "1st Taste"?
Thursday, July 2, 2009 10:13AM
In Chinatown in Portland, Oregon there's a restaruant with a rather large sign that says "Hung Far Low", I grew up in Portland and to this day I still snicker when I see it.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 10:14AM
I was by Fuku Sushi Sunday! It's next to the Kinokuniya stationery shop. I pointed it out to my friend and giggled, and she gave me a funny look.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 10:25AM
didn't think I could laugh that much at 6:30 am. tears ran down my face!
Thursday, July 2, 2009 12:31PM
Hores stores is in wexford town in Ireland. Great place!! :-)
Thursday, July 2, 2009 12:49PM
I live like a mile away from Meatland. At first I just thought it was the creepiest looking gay bar in Boston…
Thursday, July 2, 2009 1:23PM
Good ones! One of these days I'll have to get a picture of the "Kum & Go" sign here in Texas
Thursday, July 2, 2009 2:00PM
Take a look at F*ck automóveis on google. It´s a car store here in Brazil…
http://www.fiatfuck.com.br/v2/index.php
Thursday, July 2, 2009 2:17PM
Ha! I Recognized the STD Flea Market. It's right here in Springfield, MO. Yes we all think it's funny too, and no I've never stepped foot in there.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 3:13PM
The Pump N' Munch is real. There's one in Phoenix; I've seen it. Laughed so hard I nearly crashed my damn car.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 11:19AM
Oddly, Adolph Gasser’s is the one of the only legit and reliable place to buy or rent camera equipment in San Francisco. I do feel weird however having an Adolph in my phone when I have Jewish friends.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 4:20PM
lol they missed out on ASS (it's an actual city/town in Japan).
Thursday, July 2, 2009 4:31PM
I got to Fuku-Sushi all the time (it's a franchise) :P Good sushi, actually.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 4:42PM
Good old fuku sushi. A must when visiting japantown.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 4:59PM
There is a Kum Jug Restaurant here in Toronto. Also an outfit called Camel Towing (apparently it was started up by two ex-strippers, so they are in on the joke).
Thursday, July 2, 2009 5:56PM
We, too, have seen Cum Park Plaza with our own eyes and can guarantee no photoshopping. We keep a road journal, of all the funny things we see and bits of conversation we have on the road. I had forgotten where we saw it (but we live in Virginia, so I'm not surprised it's in North Carolina), but it's recorded in the road journal, with a lot of exclamation points. And these people are native English speakers…
Thursday, July 2, 2009 6:03PM
In Lake Havasu City, AZ we also have a Camel Towing and a Pass More Gas.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 6:28PM
I can attest that the "Crapi Apartments" sign is real, I live just a few blocks away. On the other side of the building it says "Capri" instead of "Crapi." I guess they were either too dumb to notice the typo in the "Crapi" sign or too cheap to do anything about it.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 7:01PM
I've seen the Spleen Cafe. It's on a small side street in Florence, Italy.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 7:25PM
I visited Israel last year on business and I took great delight at the latest fashion shops chain — "Castro Men". It seemed that every other male person I passed on the street was wearing a t-shirt with the chain's name emblazened across the front in large, red letters.
Thursday, July 2, 2009 7:38PM
Ummm… which ones do you think are "shopped"? They all look authentic to me.
Friday, July 3, 2009 2:27AM
That Beaver Cleaners is in Toronto (416 area code). Actually in Canada the #1 connotation is the industrious, tree-chewing rodent. We also have a dessert called Beavertails and I'm only just realizing why Americans think that's funny.
Friday, July 3, 2009 2:38AM
I've eaten at Fuku Sushi many times AND had slides made at Adolph Gasser. Two brushes with greatness in one blog post!
Friday, July 3, 2009 4:34AM
Kum and Go all around Lincoln, NE.
Seriously.
Friday, July 3, 2009 7:46AM
there's also a "won kok restaurant" in the los angeles chinatown :D
Friday, July 3, 2009 2:04PM
when I lived in BC there was a men's clothing store called Rex Cox
Saturday, July 4, 2009 2:51PM
Cum Park Plaza? Oh my. If they didn't know what that meant, they must have had plenty of people tell them by now….how embarrassing!
Saturday, July 4, 2009 5:51PM
NONE of them are jokes you silly people! They are all REAL signs on REAL businesses… That's the point of the whole thing!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009 6:22PM
Anyone around here from Bay Area Milpitas? Who's passed by the Vietnamese restaurant 'Pho Kim Long'? (totally would make the list)
Thursday, August 13, 2009 6:53PM
Here's a photo of the Hung Far Low sign (not forgetting the "COCK(tails)" either): http://www.sweetawesometours.com/photos/003portla...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009 11:44PM
On I-70, from SLC to Denver, there is a Kum 'n' Go and a Gay Johnson's gas station within a few miles of each other. My friend and I go on a roadie down there every year and we always look forward to seeing these signs.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009 3:22PM
Pump & Munch must be clean. If it were Munch & Pump, then I'd be worried.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009 12:27AM
The 'Ghetto' is in Shibuya, Tokyo, its a supercool restaurant all the kids go to before a night out clubbing, definately not mispelling of "grotto". I recommend the Yakitori sticks
Saturday, October 10, 2009 12:43AM
Haha great, There's a car cleaning place over here where they hand wash your car and their slogan is "The best hand job in town" surely they must have seen the inuendo…